May 2013
extrasad:
i really wanna kiss you and be cute with you and fall asleep in your arms and go on stupid dates but i also sort of want to light you on fire and throw myself into traffic so idk
Me: *sits in towel for 6 months after showering*
svau:
You don’t know how much someone is worth to you
until you sell them
denounces:
I JUST WANT A BOY TO LIKE ME AND THINK I AM PRETTY AND WANT TO KISS ME AND OTHER THINGS AND GO TO CONCERTS WITH ME AND GO CAMPING AND WATCH THE STARS AND TALK ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND UGH
michaxl:
dilclo:
michaxl:
why am i not a disney princess
because ur a 15 year old boy
Plot Twist: Stark Industries buys Tumblr. We all get free issue laptops with fantastic WiFi.
it takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning
whiskey-memories:
bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me
happyhorseshoe303:
rudeandspookydoctor:
There were a group of kids playing outside the dining hall dressed up in superhero costumes and running around. Iron Man was a little girl who kept trying to grab Captain America. The boy playing Cap screamed out “STOP TRYING TO KISS ME IRON MAN!”
WAT
clumsyoctopus:
flower language has always been an intense source of disappointment for me
like, they all mean really generic things like “love” or “forever” or “i’m sorry”
i thought you could combine flowers
like you could just send someone a bouquet and from the combination of hibiscus and posies and tulips they’d understand “the rebel leader is dead, rendezvous at the docks at 8, bring the...
theirs:
i’d rather be a golden retriever who lives with a nice upper class white family
geometricdeathtrap:
metallikato:
generallegendary:
metallikato:
jewelstaites:
how to give a good handjob
bop it
pull it
twist it
harder
better
faster
stronger
You pull your left hand in You pull your left hand out You pull your left hand in And you shake it all about!
Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
my blog sucks but at least i don’t steal people’s sources and ask people to follow me
dailymantra:
you see, kiddo, a ship is formed when I decide two people love each other very much
Jace: I am a man and men do not drink pink drinks. Get thee gone woman and bring me something brown.
avengerstimebitches:
foxnewsofficial:
cock-and-coke-is-my-white-rabbit:
spookyroomba:
foxnewsofficial:
what does tumblr even mean
tumblr means family. and family means nobody gets left behind.
that’s actually kind of touching.
it’s actually kind of gay
that’s also what tumblr means
trvsh:
hey baby are you into
broke unstable losers
h0wwl:
“Harry Potter isn’t real” they said
“Magic is fake” they said
“What’s that green light coming out of that stick” they said
“The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have...”
– Oscar Wilde (via schaumann)
thepastryalchemist:
ed-ships-larry:
lousontiptoes:
raise your hand if you’ve ever been disgusted by your own fandom…
if you don’t raise your hand, chances are you’re the one your fandom is disgusted with
broadway-phan:
fact-and-fricti0n:
The fact that some people would much rather commit suicide than go to school leads me to believe that something isn’t right
This deserves more notes.
laugh-til-ya-fart:
forevercryingbecausemerlin:
glasslightss:
andrvw:
tumblr has made me completely comfortable w/ some things no one should be comfortable with
#incest #serial killers #sentence fragments
cannibalism
Hailing satan
Harry Potter and Jace Herondale Similarities
Harry: I'm an orphan.
Jace: As am I.
Harry: I have a strange scar. It's a lightning bolt.
Jace: Really, mine is a star.
Harry: Well my girlfriend is a ginger.
Jace: So is mine.
Harry: WELL I fought in a war!
Jace: Big deal, so did I.
Harry: Well through my journey to save the world I encountered a powerful mirror, a magical cup, and fought with a legendary sword. Take that!
Jace: Big whoop, I did too, they're call the mortal instruments. My series is based off of them.
Harry: Grr, MY SERIES HAS WEREWOLVES AND CREEPY CLOAKED GUYS.
Jace: *polishes his nails* Yep got those too, plus vampires.
Harry: I have two best friends, a guy and a girl. *slowly losing stream*
Jace: Ditto, mine are siblings.
Harry: I was connected to the villain in my series!
Jace: Same. Was horrible being attached to my gf's psychotic brother.
Harry: Did you have a teacher that was evil but actually cared for you?
Jace: Yeah, man I miss Hodge.
Harry: Have a gay wizard? *smiles victoriously*
Jace: He prefers freewheeling bisexual warlock, but yeah. He's dating my parabatai.
Harry: I hate you.
Jace: I get that a lot. *smirks*
